Do I really have to do this?
The pre-wedding test causes many Bridegrooms to utter questions just like this.
Ladies are famous for their excitement over their weddings, but their Men are also known to be less thrilled. Some Men complain of feeling uncomfortable during the pre-wedding process and activities. Are they less social or less emotionally expressive?
Think about all the traditional events that Bridegrooms may face as they plan for their weddings. It is traditional for the Men to find their prospective brides ; ask for a date; pay all the bills as they court; meet the brides ‘ parents and friends; make a good impression on everyone; develop vibrant relationships with the brides ; ask the ladies to agree to get married; ask the fathers of the ladies for the hands of the fiances’ ; announce engagement; attend pre-wedding showers; attend pre-wedding parties; attending wedding counseling; participating in wedding rehearsals; dressing up in formal penguin suits; get through the wedding ceremony; survive the wedding rehearsal; doing everything right without getting upset; even paying for the honeymoon.
Grooms may feel like they are enduring a seemingly endless series of tests before they can even think about actually getting married. Why would anyone face this kind of pressure by choice?
As a minister, I make it a practice of meeting with ladies and Men a month or so before the wedding. In a majority of the situations, the ladies are all excited and full of ideas. The ladies come with questions and notebooks ready to lay out every detail. Often Grooms come along with their fiances’ and sit there with blank stares.
I discovered, that Men have their own ideas, but they may hesitate to share their thoughts, feelings, and interests. For this reason, after listening and interacting with the ladies ; I turn to the Bridegrooms and begin asking open ended questions to uncover their thoughts.
Bridegrooms sometimes express the idea that the wedding is for the brides . Bridegrooms may even say they are just along for the ride. Bridegrooms do not want to ruin the dreams of their fiances’ . They do not stifle the excitement and hopes of their ladies .
Great ideas and deep seated feelings are often held by Men . Expressing these with sensitivity is an art. It takes some thinking, listening, and dreaming as well as careful open communication.
The wedding planner or coordinator, the wedding minister, and the fiances’ can greatly help support the Men by early planning, effective listening, and genuine efforts to include the Grooms in every phase of the process. The better Men feel about being part of their own pre-wedding and wedding; the more likely they will enjoy successful marriage.
Little girls begin dreaming of their wedding day soon after they learn to walk and talk. Bridegrooms , on the other hand, begin thinking of their wedding day when they find their dream girl. It takes a little time for Bridegrooms to catch up, but it is important for marriage to make sure Grooms are included in the process.
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